耶魯前招生官：這樣寫文書才能第一時(shí)間能抓住我的眼球

留學(xué)文書在申請材料中占有很重要的地位。如果你的各種考試成績都不錯(cuò)，那好文書就有畫龍點(diǎn)睛的作用，如果你的成績有點(diǎn)不理想，那好文書也給了你一個(gè)很不錯(cuò)的彌補(bǔ)機(jī)會(huì)。

曾擔(dān)任過耶魯大學(xué)本科部的招生官EVA OSTRUM對這一點(diǎn)也有深有體會(huì)的，她自己就曾替一個(gè)SAT分?jǐn)?shù)不高，但文書寫得很好的學(xué)生爭取到了錄取機(jī)會(huì)。本文是她在一次訪談時(shí)給的文書寫作建議，也許對你有點(diǎn)用。

學(xué)生在寫申請Essay時(shí)最常犯的錯(cuò)誤有哪些?

有些大學(xué)會(huì)要求學(xué)生寫崇拜的偶像，比如“如果有機(jī)會(huì)，你最想和誰一起吃個(gè)飯?”，在寫這樣的題材時(shí)，學(xué)生經(jīng)常犯的錯(cuò)誤是『本末倒置』。他們花了大量篇幅寫自己的偶像，卻沒有怎樣介紹自己。

我的建議是，從你自身優(yōu)點(diǎn)寫。你崇拜這個(gè)人，你怎樣受ta影響?以我為例，我最崇拜的人是前南非總統(tǒng)nelson Mandela，我每天都要讀一句他的激勵(lì)人心的語錄。有一天，一個(gè)小男孩問我，“姐姐，你是哪個(gè)名人吧?”

我舉這個(gè)例子的結(jié)論是，把注意力放到自己的行動(dòng)上，這樣不管你是有機(jī)會(huì)和偶像面對面交流，還是只是通過閱讀他們的書籍，你的視野都已經(jīng)發(fā)生改變。
另一個(gè)普遍的錯(cuò)誤是，學(xué)生往往認(rèn)為必須寫一些使自己看起來和別人不同的東西。

當(dāng)你和其他幾萬學(xué)生一起競爭申請某一頂尖名校時(shí)，僅靠突出活動(dòng)本身作用不大。你做過的活動(dòng)，招生官在別的學(xué)生那里同樣也可以看到。所以，把焦點(diǎn)放在某事“造就了你”方面，而不是“某事”方面。這才是招生官真正想知道的。

你怎么通過活動(dòng)或事件展示自己，這才是文書關(guān)鍵。

你們?nèi)绾闻袛鄬W(xué)生的Essay是否真實(shí)？

看他們的SAT閱讀分?jǐn)?shù)。如果他們的SAT閱讀和寫作分?jǐn)?shù)都不高，而essay好得就如同出自大學(xué)教授之手或者essay透露的成熟度和高中生形象不符，你都可以看到一些端倪。

有了一定的經(jīng)濟(jì)基礎(chǔ)，學(xué)生找機(jī)構(gòu)指導(dǎo)可以理解。別人都去找，你不找，你就處于弱勢了。但記住，找人指導(dǎo)文書時(shí)，他給你提建議怎么修改，可以；若他一句一句給你改好了，不可以。

有沒有一兩篇優(yōu)秀的文書令你印象深刻？什么令你記得這么牢固?

我記得兩篇。有個(gè)學(xué)生寫了他父親第一次帶他去上空手道培訓(xùn)的情景。第一句就寫了他在其他體育項(xiàng)目如何不行。你會(huì)很有興趣讀下去。

還有個(gè)女生寫的是她如何喜歡并鑒賞連環(huán)漫畫冊的。她申請的是藝術(shù)院校，但有的大學(xué)并不認(rèn)為連環(huán)畫是正兒八經(jīng)的藝術(shù)。但我還是一開始就為她的文書吸引了，從第一句你就可以感受她對連環(huán)畫的熱愛。

這些文書第一時(shí)間就能抓住我的眼球，讓我有耐心細(xì)讀下去。

你能舉一個(gè)化普通為神奇的例子嗎？就是題材一般，但寫出來的角度很特別。

有位申請耶魯?shù)膶W(xué)生，她寫每天上學(xué)，途中經(jīng)過一座高樓，有很多鴿子停歇在上面。你也許覺得這樣的題材非?？尚?，但行文如此優(yōu)美，盡管寫的明明是尋常事件，但依然深深吸引了我。所以說，會(huì)講故事是很重要的。

想一想，在你的人生當(dāng)中你聽到過的、親戚朋友講的故事，如果故事講得精彩，你也會(huì)聽得入神。

有沒有哪些題材學(xué)生不應(yīng)該寫？

關(guān)于個(gè)人悲慘經(jīng)歷的題材不好寫。學(xué)生往往深陷經(jīng)歷當(dāng)中，他們不是在講故事。他們寫出來的要么成了事件敘述，要么成了心靈雞湯。要寫真正沉重嚴(yán)肅的題材時(shí)，我會(huì)很小心翼翼。

這個(gè)題材不是不可以寫，但我認(rèn)為應(yīng)用經(jīng)驗(yàn)法則驗(yàn)一驗(yàn)。如果這個(gè)話題對你而言依然是敏感的，回想經(jīng)歷，你可能還帶有一絲恐懼、一絲畏縮或者心痛，那就不要寫。

如果你能以輕松甚至調(diào)侃的態(tài)度談這段經(jīng)歷，顯示你已經(jīng)從經(jīng)歷的悲痛中痊愈了，那你可以寫。當(dāng)然，這并不是叫你一定要以幽默的口吻去寫痛苦的經(jīng)歷。

免費(fèi)下載》》》“留學(xué)圣經(jīng)”—留學(xué)黑皮書.PDF

essay有多重要?

在我審閱的材料中，文書至少對一個(gè)學(xué)生是非常重要的。我對這個(gè)學(xué)生產(chǎn)生濃厚的興趣就是因?yàn)樗奈臅蚁Ｍ麃硪?，我覺得他會(huì)給耶魯貢獻(xiàn)很多。但是他的SAT分?jǐn)?shù)不高。耶魯?shù)母偁幦绱酥畯?qiáng)，你稍微哪一點(diǎn)薄弱都可能與耶魯無緣。我為這個(gè)學(xué)生爭取到了錄取的機(jī)會(huì)。

不過，他也僅僅是靠文書贏得offer的。他老師也非常喜歡他，認(rèn)為他以SAT低分申請不得不面對很大的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，不過他依然放手一搏，走出這一步了。文書、老師和課堂，在顯示學(xué)生特質(zhì)的時(shí)候一定是有些共通之處的。

有沒有哪些你想在學(xué)生文書中找尋的東西，學(xué)生若知道你們要的是這些可能會(huì)很驚訝的?

我認(rèn)為學(xué)生如果知道招生官不是想在文書中找什么奇異奇特會(huì)感到驚訝。你用的例子越具體，你就越能細(xì)節(jié)描述故事，效果也越好。好的文書能展示學(xué)生。招生官讀文書，腦海里就能構(gòu)思出你具有怎樣的性格，是個(gè)怎樣的學(xué)生。這就好比你和招生官在交談。這應(yīng)該不難理解。

最后，附一篇耶魯大學(xué)Essay范文，作者為Alexander Dominitz，題材類型為The Arts。

"Please turn off all cell phones and pagers. Thank you, and enjoy the show." As the echo of my voice subsided, I seized the walkie-talkie that lay resting on the stool and raised it to my mouth. "Justin," I whispered, "kill the lights." I had just enough time to nod to the sound crew, signaling them to start the overture, before the stage went completely black. As Mendelssohn boomed from the speakers, my fingers fumbled around in the dark until finding the curtain chord. I began to pull downward, hand-over-hand, until the curtain revealed the court of the Duke of Athens. Kelsey's voice sounded from stage right: "Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws on apace…"

Breathe. As I leaned against the stage door, the journey that had brought me to this moment replayed in my memory: months of planning with the school's administration—outlining goals and creating schedules; hours of meeting with the faculty—enlisting the art department to build sets and begging English teachers to postpone projects; weeks of rehearsals, preparing the kids for the rigors of "opening night"; even the video that I wrote and filmed over a marathon-like weekend in order to advertise the endeavor. And finally…all my pessimistic friends who challenged my excitement with their disbelief: "Junior high school students? Shakespeare?" Then I thought, "But just look at them now!" Nina projects on stage—the smallness of her voice ceases to inhibit her performance. Chris watches his blocking—his awkward stance a distant memory. Amber now gestures with purpose—gone are the nervous habits that once characterized each movement. Garret knows every single line by heart—no longer will I be making the 10 p.m. house calls to help him memorize. But what about Brian? Little Brian…. I just don't know. Always so quiet and shy…h(huán)ave I reached him?

The Mendelssohn sounded again: time for intermission. I resumed my scurrying, taking down trees and bringing on columns, fixing loosened safety pins, freshening up faded makeup, and answering questions from the crew: "When do you want the spotlight in 4:1?" "What about the throne and the benches?" "Have you seen my donkey ears?" Suddenly, I felt a tug at the leg of my jeans. I turned around, and there was Brian, looking up at me with round, brown, hopeful eyes. In his usually timid voice, I heard a tone of determination. "Was that good? What can I do better for the next act?" I hugged him, reassured him, sent him to his entrance place, and rushed behind a curtain before anyone could see my tears of joy.

End of Act 5. As the lights came up for the curtain call, the audience rose in standing ovation. The faculty advisor tapped me on the shoulder. "It's your turn…get out there!" I looked out at the stage apron from my post at the curtain, smiled, and shook my head. "No," I said. "This is their moment."

They finished their bows, and as the curtain closed, all twentyfive seventh and eighth graders jumped up and down shouting, "We did it! We did it!" Hugs, laughter, and tears gushed from everyone—actors, technicians, and stagehands alike. I just stood there and watched, not daring to disrupt the spectacle, for I was witnessing the burst of elation that only those who have just created something beautiful can know. This was my bow. I did not need the audience's reaction to gauge the impact. I could see the results for myself. I can teach. I can inspire. I can touch lives. That's all that matters.

Alexander Dominitz attends Yale University.

點(diǎn)評(píng)

This essay requires a little background. The author, Alexander Dominitz, directed a play at a local elementary school. The reader can figure out the context as the essay goes forward, but the author relies on the rest of his application to fill in nuts and bolts information (such as the fact that the production was his idea, and that he convinced the principal at the elementary school to endorse it). Note the skillful pacing. The essay covers the length of the show, and Alexander uses digressions into his own thoughts to give the reader a sense that time is passing. Says Alexander, "They're asking you to write about yourself…The subject you know best. Just write from the heart and everything will be all right."

留學(xué)監(jiān)理網(wǎng)是國內(nèi)最早的留學(xué)第三方平臺(tái)和唯一的留學(xué)監(jiān)理服務(wù)平臺(tái)，接受學(xué)生委托，憑借國家認(rèn)定的留學(xué)行業(yè)唯一高新技術(shù)企業(yè)的技術(shù)實(shí)力和系統(tǒng)管理，依據(jù)大數(shù)據(jù)分析、行業(yè)資源和專業(yè)經(jīng)驗(yàn)，從海外游學(xué)、留學(xué)背景提升、語言培訓(xùn)、選擇留學(xué)機(jī)構(gòu)到回國就業(yè)落戶申請進(jìn)行全程指導(dǎo)和督辦的服務(wù)。

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